Malachi 2:16a – For the Lord, the God of Israel, says he hates divorce and cruel men.
As a victim of domestic violence I often think about whether I’m supposed to let my abuser back into my life.
Abuse damages you not only physically and emotionally but also causes you to question all of your relationships. And even when your abuser isn’t hurting you, the cycle of violence continues.
Trust must be built by actions showing that your abuser is sorry for what they did to you. But be careful with your heart. Your abuser may know you better than you know yourself. They know just the words to say to reel you in on their fishing line and catching you off guard yet again.
Back to the original question: Do you allow an abuser back into your life.
If you don’t trust yourself, it is probably best to stay away from your abuser or anyone else who shows signs of being an abuser.
We all want to feel special in someone else’s eyes. We want to be loved and cherished. We want to be able to trust our feelings, but you can’t.
Where it comes to moving forward, know that the cycle of abuse can at any time be at the part where they seem sorry. But then the cycle continues, and you find yourself caught once again in a web of lies and pain.
According to ashleyeaster.com, in her article, “What Forgiving an Abuser Doesn’t Mean,” other people in your life, like your family, may try to guilt you into having a relationship with someone who has abused you to “keep the family together” by letting an abuser back into your life. One of their quotes has continued to be thrown in my face after years of abuse, “They said they were sorry, why have you cut them out of your life?” Unless you’ve been abused, you can’t understand how hurtful it is to have family members try to guilt you into letting your abuser, most likely their father, back into your life. The pressure is placed on you instead of the abuser. And when I divorced their father they believed I was in the wrong.
Another thing that I have found is that the family may kick you to the curb instead of the one who continues to abuse them, also.
The article also talks about forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation and forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing or overlooking the wrong.
One of the things that has hurt me the most over the years is that my family will do things with their father and exclude me. It would seem once again that your pain is downplayed, and they feel sorry for their father. But what if they were abused? They don’t want to feel that pain. They want to feel like nothing bad ever happened.
Though God hates divorce, I believe there are situations that make divorce the only choice to avoid being continually abused. Tough choices to have to make, but necessary ones. God hates divorce but he also hates cruel men.
Karen Dalske is a freelance writer, public speaker, is active in her church and writes her blogs out of her own experiences of pain, illness and loss.