Psalm 13:2-3 - How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?
I have far too much, and many have far too little.
Do you ever wonder why you live in a clean home? Why you have trees, green grass and beautiful roses to look at instead of only dirt? Why do you have food on your table for three meals a day, while others are happy with only one?
I try to figure out how to balance things in my mind, but somehow the words, “I’m sorry,” spill out of me many times a day.
It happens in the grocery store when I almost run someone over with my cart, because I’m moving too quickly and don’t bother to slow down when approaching an aisle.
It also happens when someone tells me a difficulty they’re going through and I express, “I’m sorry.” But after I say those words, the person will say, “Why are you apologizing? It’s not your fault I’m sick,” or when someone recounts to me about running low on money, or when someone tells me how badly someone else treated them, I say, “I’m sorry.”
A told a friend what I’ve been facing by saying, “I’m sorry.” So, we both decided as we continued shopping that we’d see just how many times I said that I was sorry. I caught myself over and over saying I was sorry. And my friend caught me saying it too.
So here I am trying to figure out why I keep saying that I’m sorry so many times in a day.
One possibility was asked recently. Are all of the “I’m sorry”s caused by my feeling I need to apologize for my very existence?
Do you ever devalue yourself? Do you see yourself in a good light or always the bad?
Wikihow.com, in their article, “How to Stop Apologizing,” gives some thought as to why we may be apologizing, such as figuring out who you apologize the most often and eliminating residual guilt.
When we have a better handle on what we think of ourselves we can then move on to working on replacing “I’m sorry,” with something more appropriate such as thanking others for what they do for us.
Just as the psalmist in the Bible verses above, the psalmist talks about how he’s wrestling with his thoughts day after day and has sorrow from it in his heart. You also may want to get rid of these thoughts, but it doesn’t happen overnight.
Be patient with yourself. It may take you some time to improve what you think about yourself and to also improve your communications with others. If I could do it, so can you!
Karen Dalske is a freelance writer, public speaker, is active in her church and writes her blogs out of her own experiences of pain, illness and loss.