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Emotional pain and Loss

Waiting for the other shoe to Drop

11/4/2016

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Ecclesiastes 7:14 - When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future.
​When things are going well do you feel guilty because you’re having a good time?
 
For some people life has been especially rough. So when good things begin to happen they hold off on completely enjoying themselves, because they believe eventually something bad is going to happen. In addition, something may have happened in their past that is their fault, and they may feel like they don’t deserve to be happy.
 
Realistically we know that life will not always give us happy moments. However, mixed into those negative moments are some really good ones.
                                             
So how do we go from expecting the worst to experiencing the best? First, we can make a list of the things that are bad and good in our lives. Dwell on that list. Think about the bad things until they are crystal clear:
 
  • Are those things completely your fault?
  • Can it be that sometimes things happen that are out of your control?
  • What if those bad things are your fault?
  • How does that make us feel?
  • Can you learn something from that failure?
  • Can you keep your eyes open to see where you can make a different choice the next time an opportunity to hurt yourself or someone else comes along?
 
Now let’s turn our thoughts in the opposite direction and make a list of the things that are going right in your life:
 
  • Have you contributed to bringing about this good thing?
  • Have you found things that may have been your fault, but you faced that trouble and you don’t feel it’s completely your fault anymore?
  • Are there things that because of what you did, the situation was more in your control?
  • Have you learned from mistakes in the past and it’s helping you to find the right outcome?
  • Have you made better choices in some areas of your life?
 
What are these areas?
 
  • Your marriage or family has benefited by your learning from your mistakes.
  • You’re more successful in completing tasks at work.
  • Sharing your past with others has encouraged others.
  • You’ve made new friends by focusing more on the positive aspects of your life.
  • Doors have opened for you to participate in your church’s ministries.
  • You no longer feel guilty for being happy.
  • You feel better about yourself.
 
It is possible to turn your life around and believe you can enjoy life. I was stuck for many years in the muck and mire of blaming myself for everything wrong in my life, and this caused me to never fully enjoy life. I make a point now to pause so to speak during a family event or times spent with a friend, and allow myself to take a breath and enjoy the moment. You can too!
 
Just as the Bible verse above says, when times are good, be happy. And when they’re bad, know that God has made them both and he will help you find the joy in the midst of all of life’s up and down points.
 
Do you allow yourself to be happy or do you also blame yourself for all that’s wrong in your life? I’d love to hear from you.
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    Karen Dalske is a freelance writer, public speaker, is active in her church and writes her blogs out of her own experiences of pain, illness and loss.

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