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Emotional pain and Loss

When Someone Else is Hurting

12/28/2018

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Isaiah 57:18 - I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will guide him and restore comfort to him.
It’s one thing to hit a road block.
It’s one thing to get side tracked.
It’s one thing to lose your way.
It’s one thing to say, “This just can’t be happening.”
 
You see, it’s one thing when it’s our life that has been road blocked, side traced, to have lost your way and to not believe what is happening in your life.
 
Pain hurts. It burns inside our hearts. We want to give up. Throw in the towel. Cry until there’s nothing left to cry for.
 
But when it’s someone you care about that’s hurting, there just aren’t words to what you feel.
 
There are times when someone you care about decides by their own choices to take a wrong path and finds themselves hurting; but when it’s nothing that they’ve done to cause it, it digs deep into our hearts and we find ourselves wanting to take their pain away.
 
And maybe you can help with that.
 
Here are some ideas:
 
  1. Listen. Just let them unload on you all that is happening and what’s making them hurt.
  2. Don’t be judgmental. The old saying, “There but by the grace of God go I,” is true. They may be in a mess, but they don’t need you telling them it’s all their fault.
  3. Hold their hand. If they aren’t someone who is a “touchy feely” kind of person then this might not be a good idea. Perhaps you could just physically move to a closer position to them. But if they don’t mind it, take hold of their hand or rub an arm.
  4. Tell them you’re there for them. Let them know that you aren’t going to run away in the opposite direction. This doesn’t mean that if they’ve done something wrong they don’t have to make things right, but it does mean that you support them as a person, as their friend or loved one.
  5. If they ask for help, give it. There might not be anything you can do about their situation directly, but just offering them help may mean a lot to them.
  6. Let them know that when they’re hurting, you’re hurting. No, you can’t feel exactly what they’re feeling, but you can empathize with their situation.
  7. Never give up on them. It may take time for them to heal from their hurt whether it’s a result of what they’ve done or someone else has done. Let them know regardless you will support them.
 
When someone else is hurting, it can be difficult to know what to do about it. Here are some additional suggestions on what you can do on huffpost.com in their article, “5 Powerful Ways to Help Someone in Emotional Pain,” including let the person have their pain. Don’t try to talk them out of their feelings. Also, ask the person what they need. They may want to talk to you, but they also may want to be left alone for now.
 
As the Bible verse above says, know that God sees the pain your friend or family member is experiencing, and has said that he will heal them. He will guide them to the help they need and restore comfort to them. Be ready to be part of that process, if called upon to do so.
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    Author

    Karen Dalske is a freelance writer, public speaker, is active in her church and writes her blogs out of her own experiences of pain, illness and loss.

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